I love Dick

Mah Dick is better than yer Newt

2012-01-23T17:28:00.003-05:00

What the H*E*L*L* happened in South Carolina?

Dick is pizzed. If any overweight, middle aged, angry white man is gonna be in the Big House..it needs to be him.

I guess I shouldn't be surprized. I heard open marriage is mandatoree up thar. Sanford made iit a law.

Iffen ya asked me who the Repugs woulda put up fer the Prez a year ago, I woulda said Mr. Fancy Pants Romney (cuz he wears special britches) I guess he's too special fer SC folks.

I was glad to see Miss Alaska never even made it to the dance . She cozied up to Dick one too many times. She waz up to no good.

I liked Herman Cain. Any man who mixes pizza with sex and politics has got mah vote.

So now that the man who has as many chins as he does ex-wives is a front runner, I'm gonna be watching the race. Dick wants me to hep him..just in case he want another angry white man as hiz running mate. Are ya listening, Newt?

Obama got Osama fer mah birthday!

2011-05-04T19:53:00.003-04:00

Yep..it was mah birthday and Obama got me the best present ever. Actually, two. He got Osama and he pissed off Trump again by delaying the end of Celebrity Apprentice (or another day at the trailer park iffen ya watch Nene give Star some whoop ass).

So I hear Obama's new campaign slogan is gonna be "YES, I DID"

Even Dick is happy. Well, as happy as Dick gets.

This is Dick happy.

He looks the same after he has a burrito at Loco Taco. So he mighta had gas..dunno.

The Donald got trumped!

2011-05-01T16:02:00.003-04:00

Dick said this was gonna happen.

Donald might be smart but every time he opens his pie hole a whole lotta stupid comes out.

He was so mad last night when Obama gave him a verbal kick azz that his hair woulda stood up but it's so long it can't.

Donald been hanging with Gary Busey so long he is startin' to make as much sense.

Maybe NeNe will run fer pres next. She might win.

Instead of Jello wrasslin this year

2010-11-26T11:27:00.003-05:00

We are gonna have the first annual Sarah Palin/ Babs Bush leg wrasslin contest.

(psst..Babs will win hands down).

Here was the challenge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TNVB3SgyX8

Sarah accepted the challenge a few days later - she called Babs a "blue blood". (ain't all our blood blue?..thaught I'd remember that from watching Mythbusters).

Can't wait. Git yer tickets it'll be a blue blood bath.

I got kicked outta the White House

2010-11-06T11:05:00.003-04:00

Just becuz I had a PJ party with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner.

Michelle found out cuz she saw the orange tanning spray stains on John's pillow. Stupid man.

It's not like they don't like pajama parties. Obama has 'em all the time with Holder and Emmanuel (don't play twister with Eric Holder - he cheats).

He just don't want McConnell stealing all the Moose Munch outta the pantry. And Boehner drank all the beer.

So I'm back on the road. I joined this group called the Tea Party. I love me some Lipton and Long Island Tea so I thought it was fer me. But all I see is a bunch a guys that look like they live down at the trailer park talking bout how much they got screwed. It's kinda like Friday night at the Moose Lodge. All ya need is some fried catfish and some Jack Daniels ..wait..I think they got that too. I posted a pic of one of mah buddies. That's Duane Lee..he's purty upset bout something. He can't tell me what but he don't like it.

Gotta go..Glenn Beck is going to speak today. I hope he cries. Since Tammy Faye passed on to the Clinique counter in the sky nobody can turn on the water works like him. And he makes up such beautiful stories. He outtta be a writer like that Stephen King. His stuff can be purty scary.

Don't believe whacha read..I ain't the other woman

2010-06-01T19:42:00.002-04:00

I did not break up that marriage. One, Big Al is getting a little big in other places iffen ya know what I mean, Two..I already got all the Dick I can handle, Three..Tipper scares me.

I think it was Ann Coulter. That hag is always causing trouble somewhere...or maybe Sarah Palin can see something besides Russia from her house.

Either way, it's the end of an era. Our generation's JFK and Jackie, our Prince Charming and Cinderella, our Miley Cyrus and that Jonas Brother. The glamour, the glitz..it's over. So, let's have a moment of silence and be thankful that Larry King made up with his wife.

Bubba invented a new airline

2010-05-01T13:27:00.002-04:00

Bubba done solved the baggage problem.

Yep..now you bring as much stuff as you can. When ya got a double wide on the back ain't no problem bringin' that case of PBR with ya.

Now iffen we can git them to serve up some pork rinds insted of those puny pretzels we got us an airline.

Anybody know how to fly?

furline and the Volcano

2010-04-21T05:21:00.002-04:00

Y'all may not be aware of this but I have an affect on men. I can git them with mah power of love to do things they may not want to do (ok I can't git Dick to like Obama but that's another story).

BUT I DID NOT CAUSE THAT VOLCANO...no matter what that Iranian cleric tells ya.

I make the earth move under your feet..

I can make yer haid explode..

But I don't think I can make the earth move and explode. Unless mah powers have gotten that strong.

I need to be careful. Larry King is single again.

Sorry Europe.

Thalmalene kissed a hornet last night

2010-04-17T13:10:00.002-04:00

I tole her that ain't the way to look like Angielena Joly..but she don't listin to nobody.

So she put her lips on a yellowjacket hole and came up lookin more like Daffy Duck.

Course Bubba thinks that's kinda hot.

Ladies ...now is yer shot

2010-04-15T09:43:00.001-04:00

Larry King is free again...fer the 8th time..

Hurry..he won't last long..

Bunny and Dick

2010-04-02T11:58:00.004-04:00

http://www.yikers.com/video_/dick_cheney_takes_out_the_easter_bunny.html

Yep..it's that time of year. Dick don't like it so much..He always felt that the Easter Bunny was horning in on his friendship with W. Look at he pic ...I can see his point. The Easter Bunny was definitely gittin' a little too close to the Pres.

Anyway..we are going to have the Easter Egg hunt down at the trailer park. Dick is in charge of hiding the eggs. He invited Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi..

I'm a little worried..some of the eggs looked like grenades...Dick wouldn't do that..or would he?

See...people don't know but Dick does that the EB is achually a secret oporative fer the Obama camp...
Never trust anybunny with big ears...

I'm in the dickshunary!!

2010-03-28T18:10:00.005-04:00

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Furline

Accorden' to the Urban Dickshunary I am

The ultimate in greatness. The pinnacle of a certain field.

2. Incredibly sensual, to the point of being painful to the opposite sex.

I already knew that but it's nice that they reckenize it.

And that Kitty in the pic is a rescue named Furline.

According to PetFinder

"

Furline is a very sweet girl but has been though a lot. She is a 4 paw declaw kitty and would be best for a home with adults only. She is very afraid of dogs and is in need of someone who will love her forever. She is a sweet lap cat that would want to be pet all day."

http://lostpawsrescue.org/cats/furline

Iffen ya live in NJ and want a cat with the best name in whole damn world..go to the link above and adopt her...you will love her and ya will think of me every time ya call her. And that's a good thang.

Dick just went to the hospital

2010-02-22T20:06:00.002-05:00

I think going out to see the strippers (also known as Tiger's girls) with Mike Huckabee and Glenn Beck was too much fer him.

Say a prayer...mean, nasty, cranky old men need love too.

Waffle House for Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

Now I know some of you snobs that only go to Applebee's fer V-Day may turn up yer noses but lemme tell ya..Waffle House is da bomb diggity when it comes to romance.

Red candles, tablecloths..hell they'll even make yer over easy in the shape of a heart! Ya can git wine or champagne...or just a cup of joe to share wit' yer beloved.

And the entertainment? Well, Elvis of course. All his greatest on the jukebox.

And ya can git all this romance fer less than $10...I'd like to see Applebee's beat that!

Hey Pat Robertson...

2010-01-19T21:20:00.003-05:00

I happen to know God and he ain't too happy with ya...

Ya better make amends and go to Haiti and actually do some good. It's hard to git a plane or a boat...I here ya can swim over. Sharks don't eat ugly.

I know I ain't bin around. I bin tryin' to keep Dick from watch Sarah on Fox. His pacemaker goes haywire when he sees her. I can't let him go near a bookstore..he might explode.

So stay tuned...I'm like Larry King...I'll never go away.

Ok...Ladies...a new hunk is on the market

2009-12-30T19:24:00.003-05:00

Karl Rove 'n his ole' ball and chain ain't shackin' up anymore.

I hear he's on Match.com and his name is turdblossomhotloveforyou. He likes long walks, poetry, Air Supply and hatching back room politikal dealins.

So line up ladies...he's a hot one and won't last long.

One warning..iffen ya date him ya gotta put up with GW taggin' along. There a set..like Martin 'n Lewis, or Fred 'n Barney...

Mah heart is broken

2009-12-08T20:14:00.003-05:00

First Tiger never invited me to his party and now Mickey is gitin' hitched. Yep...that hunka burning love is marring that hussy in the picture.

I don't know who she is but she is tying up the only man I mighta considered letting move in mah trailer (besides mah Dick)...

I oughta get her number over to Tiger. She looks like his type.

Thanksgivin' is mah favorite holiday of the year

2009-11-22T09:31:00.003-05:00

When else are ya going to git yer favorite treats like possum balls or cranberry jello. Ya also git yer favorite people around the picnic table to join hands and say what they are grateful fer.

Course ya always are excited bout the turkey. Ya might remember a few years ago we had an accident when cousin Leon lit the gas grill with his natural gas iffen ya know what I mean. This year, we ain't letting Leon near the grill..

Well, we are real excited bout the turkey this year. Fred decided he would try hunting one again. Fred's a great hunter but he got kinda skimish bout it after he was almost caught at the Petting Zoo at Stone Mountain...he got out of there just in time.

So this year he's huntin' legal and he got us a purty one. Now Bubba is going to git it ready fer out big dinner. We gonna fry that baby up then pour out the oil and then start our newest tradition......

Hot Tub Thanksgiving. Nuting says thank you like a bubly hot water, Jack Daniels and nekkid people...

Hair advise from me

2009-10-22T19:47:00.003-04:00

Yep..it's that time. The holidays are a approching and y'all have bin begging me to give you hair advise. Now I'm not giving away all mah secrets..some of y'all ain't ready fer hair like me. But I'll git ya ready with the best looks of the season.

1. Yer man done leave you with a rundown trailer, a bunch of screamin' babies and no money? Well..ya gotta do the Kate. Party in the back and business in the front...kinda like a reverse mullet. See even Jon is hipnotized by it...

2. Yer man ain't left his wife, yer bald and can't sing? Well, you gotta git the Kim. Of course some fake boobs don't hurt. Iffen ya can't afford 'em ...some Ziplocs filled with jello will work.

3. Yer mean. You are so mean that Glenn Beck is afraid of you. Bill O'Reilly wears garlic when you are on his show. Even mah Dick quivers when he hears yer name. You gotta git the Ann.

Garanteed to make a man run and hide.

Well...that's all fer now. Wait till next time when I give the men tips on how to look more hot like mah Dick.

I'm gonna kick some azz

2009-10-21T19:29:00.002-04:00

Now.. I know ..ya snooze ya looze..but come on fer Hillary's sake.

I went out with Dave to the Lion's Club fish fry and strip poker night last year and had a few brews..Ok..a keg.

Well, I let him on mah dream to start a possum fur line. It's perfect. It's warm, it's purty, it's humane (they are already dead after ya run 'em over) and if ya stand at least 20 feet away ya don't smell 'em.

I got busy with Dick leavin' the Big House and having to chase Joe Biden everywhere..oh and going to Argetina to meet up with..never mind.

Anyhoo...I google mah name ( don't snort..you do it too) and I see this..
http://www.workboot.co.nz/profile/Furline_Ltd/2696.html

No good scum stole mah idea and moved to Tauranga. I always wanted to live there.

I do like the possum purse.

It's ebay time down at the Moose lodge

2009-10-11T12:24:00.008-04:00

Yep..next weekend is the big flea market sale. But I got inside resorses so I can let you in on the goodies. Iffen ya want any of these jewels..lemme know and I'll put 'em aside fer ya...the first one is Bubba's faverite ...the condom pillow..it tells yer loved one you want to play but take care of bisness first.

The second is the crocheted toilet paper roll. If yer green this is the way to go

SHHHHHHH...
I'm giving this beauty to JoJo fer Christmas..
Don't tell her...

Now, this is mah contribution...dick loves these on me but if he's serius bout running fer the big Press job he don't need no distractions. Don't worry I washed 'em.

I'm sorry...Curline made these and they were so hot they already sold out. Even the hamper got bought. But I wanted ya to see her talent..she is an artist.

Mah Dick may be President!

2009-09-01T21:40:00.002-04:00

Dick '12! I'm gitting his campaign ready.

We are havin' fights about Caribou Barbie being his V.P. The only hot chick that gits near mah Dick is me.

Mittens Romney and his long underwear are gonna have to wait till 2016.

Well, I'm off to charge his pacemaker batteries..it's gonna be a long couple of years.

They don't make 'em like they used too

2009-07-18T08:21:00.002-04:00

I miss you. You told it like it was. No more - no less.

RIP, Walter.

Dick is lookin' out fer ya!

2009-07-12T15:53:00.003-04:00

Y'all, there may be some rumors goin' round bout mah Dick and making the CIA lie. Now this is a big ole bunch of horse crap prolly started by Anderson Cooper (he never got over me). Nobody can make the CIA do what they don't wanna.

What do you think? That Dick put a gun to their....ok, never mind.

Did ya hear that Biden got the economy wrong? Obama said he didn't so it must be Joe. I got mah work cut out fer me with this V.P.

RIP Billy Mays

2009-06-28T15:13:00.002-04:00

I have a case of OxyClean and Orange Glo in the back of the trailer. I'm a sucker fer a boomin' voice and a commandin' style. .

If thars informercials in heaven, Billy will be the star.

Rest in Peace mah friend.

Don't cry fer me, Newt Gingrich

2009-06-27T19:38:00.002-04:00

I guess I ain't up to the new lingo. Bubba tole me that Hikin' in the Mountains is code fer bangin' yer Argetine squeeze.

Dick tole me that he's pizzed cuz here is another example of an American job going overseas....

Ya ain't got to worry bout Obama doing that. Michelle had a GPS system implanted in his neck. I thought that waz purty smart. She always knows where he is and with who.

I heard Hillary looked at getting one fer Bill but he'll just get it delivered.

Gay marriage and Dick

2009-06-01T19:48:00.002-04:00

No, this ain't a porno post. It's about Dick saying he's ok with Gays getting hitched.

See Dick figered out waterboarding weren't no surfing thing..and since he thinks marriage is torture..well, he's ok with that too.

Dick is good like that.

Oh, crap..Joe is bout to say something stupid..and Helen Thomas is sneaking behind the bushes. I gotta go.

Waterboarding, Dick and Chasing Joe

2009-05-31T12:08:00.003-04:00

Hey y'all..are ya having a good summer?

I'm pooped. Obama put me on Biden patrol. I gotta gag Joe everytime he says something stupid..it's starting to look like a bondage movie as much as I gotta hog tie him.

Speaking of bondage..a lotta of y'all have asked me to find out if Dick has lost his mind. I know he's been yammering like he was Hannity and Limbaugh's love child but don't pay him no mind. He thinks waterboarding is like surfing..only on land. And iffen he does find out what it really is..Dick is tough..he likes it rough. I remember one night he had me ...never mind.

Any hoo...I tole Obama that Dick is talking so much cuz he misses the Big house...I suggested he kick out Biden (his ears perked up when I said that) and put in Cheney (he then put me on Biden patrol fer pizzing him off).

So here I am chasing the inspiration for the Billy the Big Mouth Bass and I'm thinking Gorilla glue might be the answer...I've tried everything. Nuthing shuts him up..cept Three's Company reruns..he loves those. But I can only take so much of Mr. Roper.

So iffen ya see Biden running his mouth ...ya know I couldn't take it any more. I'm running off with Hillary to see the world..kinda like Thelma and Louise.

What everybody is talkin' bout....

2009-04-26T20:27:00.002-04:00

Yep...swine flu. Now I hear it don't come from pigs which is a releef to Bubba cuz he likes wrasslin' with the little buggers.

But it is bad fer Billy Rob who went on down to Tijuana fer Spring Break. Now Billy Rob ain't bin in school since Nixon waz president but that don't stop him none...he goes down and tries to party like a rock star.

Since he's bin back he's bin living in his mama's trailer which ain't no fun fer his mama. He keeps wakin' her up to take his temperature. He's convinced he's got it. She's so tired she ain't even going to Bingo no more. I think Billy Rob better git that flu or go home or his momma is gonna git tired of him and throw his sorry butt out.

So y'all stay home..wash yer hands (and any other body parts that touch other people) and be healthy. It ain't the pigs fault so you can still eat bacon.

Don't go near Long John Silver's

2009-04-15T19:54:00.002-04:00

Bubba heard Pirates were attacking Americans so he got mixed up again (remember him and the boys went to Georgia to free it from the Russians...he went to Atlanta, GA..he waz very disaponted)

Well, he got the boys stirred up again and they are declarin' war on Long John Silver's.

Martha Jean is pizzed cuz she can't git her fried fish and clams.

Don't be scared...they couldn't hit the side of a barn and I put rubber bullets in ther guns. I wanna be able to git my shrimp on later.

JoJo wants me to watch American Idol

2009-04-14T20:11:00.004-04:00

I bin boycottin' it since I had to brake it off with Ryan. He suggested a threesome with Simon and I ain't done that since Fidel and George Sr.

All I gotta say is what the hell is Paula wearin'? Looks like a shiny dog collar. Speakin' of Dogs...watcha think bout Bo? I think he's the cutest thing in the white house since Gerald Ford.

Crap, Quentin is on it...how the hell did he git on there? Oh..Paula..never mind. I'm still mad he chose Uma and not me fer that Kill Bill movie. I was a natural.

Snoop Dogg is sounding kinda Clay Aiken these days. I always liked Bryan Adams. Gravelly voices rock my world. (Mickey are you reading this?)

Randy is talking bout the Zone. Not a great diet. Who the hell is that Chick? I bet Paula is pissed..there's only one hen in that rooster house.

Simon looks bored.

I think Snoops special someone is Ryan.

If Ozzie Osbourne and Liberace had a baby it would be Adam. I never heard a cabaret version of Steppenwolf before. I take that back...Liza does Steppenwolf. Liza with a Z.

Paula is off her meds again...adam needs to lay off the coppertone tanner...he looks like a carrot.

Where is Sanjaya? He is was the best thing ever on AI.

Quentin is like a poodle on speed. Quentin likes a gravelly voice too.

This dude never loved a woman. Dick could give him a few lessons.

Is this Bryan Adam's night? Why Quentin? Paula, never mind.

Cut to Paula waving her arms in the wind...

Oh good Matt has friends..I was worried.

Simon is weird. Paula is hatin' that chick next to her. I think Randy just wanted someone between him and the crazy.

Cool Seth Rogan is a contestant. I loved him in SuperBad.

LIONEL RICHIE!! WOOHOO... Some Cheez Whiz..Three Times a Lady and I'm putty in yer hand...

Now Seth should have sung Bryan Adams..he's got the gravelly voice. I like him. Whoda thunk an international heartthrob could sing?

Endless Love makes me hot...I gotta go git mah 8 track out.

Simon and Endless Love...break out that Cheez Whiz.

Star Trek is gonna rock. I hope William Shatner is in it. He's a hot daddy.

People tell me I look like Padma all the time. I think that she's lucky we look so much a like.

Ryan is so lame.

I'm bored.

Where is Sanjaya when you need him?

Kris ain't no Adam. And he ain't Seth Rogan either.

Randy is as bored as I am.

The Burger King is too weird fer me.

Quentin has squinty eyes...I don't trust him.

Ok, this chick should have done the whole thing gospel. Make it her own. Ya know the Rose was based on me. People think it was Janis..but it was me.

Simon is frustrated. I can take care of that.

I missed the redhead. She's got a gravelly voice..she could have done Bryan Adams.

Ok, JoJo..lemme know whatcha think.

Peeps gone Wild

2009-04-11T10:40:00.003-04:00

Happy EASTER!!!!

Iffen yer bored this Easter after eating yer chocolate and spam casseroles..I have some nifty crafts fer ya...

First..ya got yer peeps. Y'all now bout the micowave blowin' em up trick. How bout doing puppet shows with 'em? Willy Pete is big fan of Rock of Love and he built his own Hoes on Poles seen. I got a pic of it.

Purty creative doncha think?

For my biker friends...Billy Bob Joe made this masterpeace

Now finally fer mah friend Pearl

Peeps on a Beach

Things are bad everywhere

2009-03-21T10:04:00.002-04:00

Even I got taken. I had all mah hard earned money and I was a victim of a Fonzi scheme. He din' look Arthur Fonzarelli...he looked more like Bernie Madoff..but never mind.

I almost lost the trailer but I moved it to Florida where ya can't lose yer house. Y'all might laugh but there are advantages to having yer house on wheels.

There are a lot of us down here..We done built a condo association. I think it's purty.

Boys will be boys...or why the Republicans still need me

2009-03-03T19:49:00.002-05:00

As y'all know Mister Blowhard haz bin fightin' with Michael Steele. I tole those boys to take it to the mud pit fer some mud wrasslin..but Steele took one look at Limbaugh's big butt and said "HELL NO".

They made up. Which in political talk means Limbaugh tole him to shut up or he'd take over the RNC. Steele may know Limbaugh already runs but he likes the title.

I hear that the cute Blowhard, Hannity wants to secede from the country. Now, he's bin going to too many of those civil war reactments...Purty soon he's gonna make that Colmes guy dress like a union soldier and shoot muskets at 'em. With Ann Coulter dressed in a hoop skirt swoonin' fer her man.

Hooo Boy..I got lots of work to do...We need a hero..

I know just the man....

Live post- state of mah union

2009-02-24T21:01:00.018-05:00

Who's hotter? George or Charlie? Charlie is all kinds of sexy.

Ruth bader..my buddy..you can see she's bin doing some shots. I love that woman.

Think Pelosi and Biden are doing it?

Michelle didn't cut her hair! Good.

Does Pelosi have on a track suit?

This is like goin' to church and shakin' everybody's hand.

Tweedledee...tweedledum

Ok..he's here...Who picket out that tie? McCain?

Everybody loves my gal Ruth...she's adorable.

I think I saw Pelosi's outfit at Dress Barn. Good color.

Biden and Pelosi are playing footsie.

OOPS...Joe Biden used Gorilla Glue on the Republicans chairs..they can't stand up...hehehe

Nobody messes with Joe? Bwhahahaha

Nancy Pelosi messes with Joe.

I can refinance mah trailer..woohoo!! Wait..I don't owe anything..oh well.

Leiberman looks stoned.

Everybody is standing...I think the Republicans like him..they really like him.

Dick had a blueprint fer our future. It involved nuclear weapons...

Joe is gitting kind of slow on the standing up..Nancy is like a mexican jumpin' bean

Chu is cute too..he and Ruth need to git together...little cute people.

Bubba has an energy plan...his butt, a bucket of KFC and a lighter.

Well, I gotta go...Mickey called and he needs me to go meet him at the Moose Lodge...

See ya!

Prez is gonna be talkin' and I'm gonna be drinkin'

2009-02-24T20:22:00.000-05:00

Yep...I know y'all bin waiting since the debates. Obama better be more excitin' than the debates. I may have to go over to the McCains. Things have bin a lil' frosty since John tole Cindy shouldn't go on dancin' with the stars.

See ya in a bit..

Oh and follow me on Twitter...I'm @Furline

Ashton Kutchner keeps stalkin' me.

Mickey was Robbed!!

2009-02-23T19:38:00.002-05:00

I dunno bout you but mah new squeeze got the shaft last night. He was decked out in his finest (have ya seen a better dressed man?)

Sigh, now I gotta work on his prezendential campaign. Too bad Loki passed..she'd bin a great V.P. Americans like dogs fer their V.P.'s. Biden kinda reminds me of a terrier...Dick was a Pit Bull...Gore was a hound dog...ya know ya can see it...

Mickey Rourke, 2012

2009-02-22T14:13:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og3tN7P6oKI

I dare anyone to run against him. You thought Dick was tough...I think Mickey could take 'em.

Big old blowhard..

2009-02-02T21:57:00.002-05:00

No, I ain't talkin' bout Babs Bush. Her nickname is IronButt.

No, I'm talkin' bout Rush Limbaugh. He's talkin and talkin and talkin and I don't think anybody's listening. He needs to take a day off and go see Blart, Mall Cop. Git a sense of humor.

Now, I'm working on Obama's fightin' skills....but he just wants to talk back. I think he knows he'd lose any leg wrasslin with Rush. Rush has tree trunks fer legs and Obama's got little twigs. He'd snap. I'm thinkin' bout gittin' him on some steriods. But I'm afraid he'd turn into Mickey Rourke. That would be scary.

Of course, I bet Rush would be scared if Mickey Rourke were president. That face would scare all our enemies and our friends.

Did y'all here Nadar is taking on Rush? Yep..Mr. Green Party is gitting feisty. He needs to tag team him with Al Gore.

Now...you won't git GW to do it. Here he is after a particularly rough session with Hank Paulson. GW hung up his wrasslin hat after that...his thighs just can't take it.

Before ya ask....

2009-01-20T19:22:00.003-05:00

Yes, we had hot monkey sex in the Oval Office. Yep, he pulled his back out. Ya think Bill's the only one to git funky in the Presidential Quarters?

Laura and GW have been known to git a little frisky. They like to play librarian and boy with an overdue book.

Now on to the other question of the day. What will Michelle wear? Now, I'm having a time of it trying to git her to lissen to me. But I finally had some success...she was going to wear this..but I tole her no...that Nancy Pelosi had dibs.

Now, I'm going all out with mah dress. I know JoJo has bin beggin' to see it. I bet she's gonna use it fer her next big shin dig.

ok...Now..don't this say I love America (and most of her politicians)?

I bet Hillary Clinton will choke up when she sees me. Ruth Bader Ginsberg and me are gonna sneak in some jello shots (you'd be suprised what she can put under that robe). I think we're gonna show Yo Yo Ma how to do the electric slide.

Now y'all have a good time tonight and enjoy. Cause tomorrow is another day and I got find a new Dick fer mah White House.

Another dream dashed

2009-01-18T11:49:00.002-05:00

I wouldn't sleep with both eyes closed iffen I was John Mccain. Cindy don't ask fer much..just her $2 mil a month allowance and she's just fine. However, she got the hankerin' to do a little two steppin and I ain't talking bout the the John Edwards kind of two steppin.

She wanted to dance. Everybody wants to dance at sometime. Hell, they let that one legged gold digger go at it and Cindy's got two legs!

Cindy showed she's made of tougher stuff when she was on SNL. The way she showed off that joolery you would have thought she' d bin on t.v. her hole life.

Ya can't keep a person from their dreams, John. Cindy let you have a stab at the Big House and ya had a good time out there huggin all over Palin.

Let her have her Dream, John!! I bet if Laura wanted to dance, GW not only would let her..he'd go on it with her.

Course John might be tad bit jealous. There are some hot guys on that show...like this dude. Yep, iffen that's yer reason I'd be worried to. I'm not sure power, fame and a rockin' sense of humor can compete with Tom.

Oh, and y'all need to look fer me on Tuesday night. I'll be floating around the ceremonies. Ya never never know when I'll pop up.

My last week with Dick in the Big House

2009-01-11T17:07:00.003-05:00

I haven't bin postin' much cuz it's a sad time fer Dick and me. Dick had bin busy breefin' the Obama gang. He and Hillary have bin out skeet shootin' and discussin Osama and Obama. Sounds like a wine cooler..hehehe. Like Bartles and James it could be..never mind.

While I've bin reminising bout the last 8 years with Laura and Babs..GW has bin partying like it was 2009. I never seen him so excited. He had a sleepover with all the presidents...he even put on his footie p.j.s.

Anyhoo...I gotta go talk to Michelle about the inauguration ball. I'm her coordinator fer the big blowout. I git to do the plannin' and inviting and the disinviting (Richardson took it hard..he'll just have to sit outside and split a bottle of Boone's Farm with Howard Dean).

See y'all later.

Merry Christmas, Baby!

2008-12-13T17:34:00.006-05:00

Do ya like Dick's Christmas Card this year?

It's that time 'o yeer agin. It's Christmas. I love Christmas. The lights are purty, the music is jolly and Dick puts on his Santa hat..and never mind.

Anyway I'm gonna post some of my favorite Christmas decor. Iffin ya got any post yers.

Here's Christmas at the beach.

And Below Is a resicled Christmas tree..I think it's Al Gore's.

Here's an artistic tree.

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

2008-11-27T11:00:00.002-05:00

I want to wish y'all a Happy Thanksgiving today.

What am I thankful fer? Well, let's see...

1. That I still got mah trailer. It may not be fancy but it's home. And it's got wheels.

2. That I'll always have a job at the Big House. No matter who's in there they still need me.

3. Ann Coulter may got her jaw wire shut after she broke it. They ain't saying how she broke it but I think it's bet it's got sometim' to do with Anderson Cooper, a can of spam and his mom's stuffing recipe. Don't ask me how I know..I can't tell.

3. I'm thankful ol' Babs is gonna be ok. Now they say it was an ulcer but I'm bettin' it was a leg wrasslin incident with Oprah. Babs used to be the best but Oprah done took her title. Leg, jello, mud..it don't matter what kind..Oprah is the queen of wrasslin'.

4. My Thanksgiving Dinner. Last year I served Squirrel..it was purty good but ya gotta have one fer each guest. And the Democrats I invited were wanting more than I had. Typical Democrats..the Republicans were made I din't serve possum.

Now this year I'm gonna serve Armadillo. People don't know it but Armadillos are the lobster of the non ocean world. They are quite tasty...and if ya have a hankering fer squirrel, ya can put some in the stuffin'.

The Big 3 ain't gittin' mah money

2008-11-20T19:57:00.003-05:00

I've bin layin' low after the election. Dick is packin' up his guns..GW has bin ...well, I'm not sure what he's bin doing.

So what do y'all think bout bailin' out the big three?

Mah cusin Darryl Wayne thinks they outta go belly up then he can invent a new car and thar won't be no competititon.

Here's hiz Idea's:

1. This one runs on natural gas.

2. Iffen you like yer SUVs.

3. This comes with its own security system. Ya don't need no Lojack with this baby.

Yep, I think the Big 3 can go away ...we'll be ok with Darryls cars.

Dick has some words fer Sarah

2008-11-08T19:39:00.002-05:00

Dick wants Sarah to know that if she's runnin' in 2012...he needs a job and has experiense as VP. Experiense is gonna be needed seeing as she ain't got none.

He also wants her to know that geography is overrated. Hell, he still don't know where Rhode Island is and he don't care.

Congrats Obama...tell Michelle I'll be over tomorrow 'n I'll bring the beans. Now that yer the Prez ya can eat as much as ya want. Who's gonna tell the Pres not to fart?

It's the day 'n I got some advize fer the candidates

2008-11-04T18:34:00.002-05:00

1. Don't eat beans today iffen ya think yer gonna win. It ain't prezidential to fart when ya give yer acceptance speech.

2. If yer gonna lose go ahead. Tell Chris Wallace to pull yer finger and ya can lighten the mood.

3. Don't call Joe the Plumber after ya win unless yer toilet is clogged. He don't know nuting bout anything else. Believe me I know.

4. Tie and gag Sarah Palin up till Inaguration day.

5. Ditto Howard Dean...

6. Iffen yer married to Michelle Obama make sure she is in the spotlight. She deserves every minute of it. Thank yer Grandma (may she rest in peace) and yer momma. Don't forget the women who made you who you are...ever.

7. Iffen yer married to Cindy..git her a job on QVC...she was wonderful on SNL...I was ready to buy. I think GW did try. You need to thank yer mother and both yer wives and the Navy. Don't forget they made you who you are.

8. Change the locks and the security code to the Big House and NEVER give them to Karl Rove again. I don't care what party you ran fer. Mr. Mashed Potato Head needs to go off into the sunset.

9. Ditto John Edwards.

10. Make sure Hillary gets a position. She may cheat at leg wrasslin but she' purty smart. I like Richardson too. He even doesn't piss Dick off.

11. Iffen yer McCain...Remember Dick needs a job..

Finally, may the best man win. Either way..he gits me as his adviser.

2008-11-03T21:04:00.002-05:00

Ok, Bobby Dale Joe wants you to eggersize yer right to vote. He likes that right. He don't like the 2nd amendment as much. He's a lover not a fighter. As ya can tell from his pic he's quite the catch. And can ya belive he's avalable? If I dinn' have Dick and all mah other politicol consultants I'd go fer him mahself.

Anyhoo, go vote. Ya can git a free Ice Cream, or a coffee or iffen ya go to Chick F lay ya can git a vanilla shake. Dick likes shakes. He might vote just to git one.

Who is Dick gonna voter fer? Take the poll I put on and we'll see who ya think Dick is gonna voter fer...

Dick just shot the phone

2008-10-25T16:23:00.003-04:00

Yep. He got sick 'n tired of those robocalls. He don't care what they are for...you interept his Dancin' With the Stars and he gits pizzed.

Shhhh...he's hoping Lance wins. Thinks the boy's got flair.

GW tries to talk to the RoboCaller...He keeps sayin' "Hello, Hello" He thinks the RoboCaller is kinda fun to talk to to cuz nobody else is callin' him. Even Babs is giving him the cold shoulder. I hear she's bin tryin' to git in good with Michelle.

Michelle is too quick fer that.

Even when he's not feelin' well he's hot.

2008-10-16T19:39:00.002-04:00

I missed the debate...I heard my cousin Joe got talked about. Ya know ya can't trust a plumber who likes to play with his snake. Member...he likes to light his farts as a magic trick fer little kid's birthday parties.

I did see this pic...I knew McCain was maverick but he's lookin' a little pervy in last night. Why can't he keep that tongue in? He's like a danged lizard. Obama better watch his azz...I mean that. Cuz it looks like McCain will.

Anyhoo...have fun..Dick is recovering from his shock therapy...GW keeps making jokes about toasters in the bathtub. I sware if Dick don't shoot him before January it'll be a miracle.

Y'all..say a prayer fer Dick

2008-10-15T22:06:00.002-04:00

As ya may know Dick had to have surgery today. See, the reason I ain't been postin' is that Dick gits amorus when he's mad. And he's gittin' madder and madder every day. So I ain't bin doin' nuttin' but consulitin...iffen ya know what I mean.

See gas is goin down, down, down...Dick's stocks are goin' down, down, down...so he wants me to...never mind.

Well, it was too much fer his ticker. I know y'all are thinkin..so what, Furline, you'll just pick up with another V.P....(Better hope it's Biden cuz I ain't changin teams fer Palin) but I love that mean, nasty angry old coot. Come to think of it...McCain might...never mind.

So I hope y'all are enjoyin' the debate. The docs won't let Dick watch 'em. So we watched Project Runway. That Tim Gunn is kinda hot..wonder iffen he's single?

Here I am!

2008-10-02T21:02:00.014-04:00

Can I call you Joe? No, call me fluffy...

Has Joe had an eye lift? He's lookin' a little like Joan Rivers.

Soccer!! She loves soccer!

Joe has a lot of friends.

She just winked at McCain...how many times is she gonna say maverik?

What's wrong with her face? Hey, it's Tina Fey!

Hockey Mom! She's dumped Soccer...

This is kinda borin'...I wonder if Dukes of Hazzards is on.

Biden is callin' Soccer/Hockey mom out.

I like his tie. His tie is the most interestin' thing on here. Dick wants to watch ESPN. I tole him to wait a few minutes..mebbe it'll git better.

Din't we just lose a trillion dollars?

Oops..I forgot to save.

People laughed...better watch it...Jim Lehrer is in the back with a cattle prod.

Joe's tie matches his eyes.

The Mummy Returns is on.

Anybody playing Palin bingo?

Can't she stay on topic? She's like a jumpin' bean. Ymmmm...beans.

Hold on..be back in a minute
She's got some major bronzer on..

GW sez he has a clean source of energy. Laura tole him to keep his pants on.

Uh, Oh..Drill baby, drill. Sounds like porn.

GW says he has a gas pipeline. Laura is gittin' mad.

They laughed again..Jim is gonna go Rambo on 'em.

McCain is in love.

Early withdrawel...GW is giggling again.

Joe brought up Dick. Dick just quit cleaning his gun....Joe better be careful.

GW is mad...she's copying him when she says nuclear.

The Castro brothers are not as scary as the Olsen twins.

Kissinger shared his passion alright..he's a dog.

Everybody is sharin' their passion. No wonder we are goin' broke.

She's a happy lil' thing, aint' she.

I'm wanting to watch Fargo. I have no idea why.

Biden can't hear. Mebbe he needs a hearing aid. My grandma got one from Sears.

GW wants to copyrite the word nuclear.

She can't stay on topic. She makes mah head hurt. Jim lerher wouldn't let her git away with that.

Y'all, Joe's voice is puttin' me to sleep. Y'all keep watchin' without me. I'll read yer comments tomorrow.

Next time they need to wrassle.

Come back here at tomorrow night

2008-10-01T22:33:00.001-04:00

I'm gonna be in St. Louis fer the debate. Got mah battery chargin'...I hooked it to Dick's pacemaker. It should be a good time. Iffen I can keep Mccain from going on stage and huggin' on Palin. Course Biden'll prolly throw his podium at 'em.

Yea...I'm in Mississippi

2008-09-26T21:09:00.017-04:00

I've got mah laptop and I'm reportin' live. I'll be ok if Howard Dean don' see me.

Ya can tell Cindy bought that tie...

1. Mccain says Obama wants to spend too much money
2 Obama says Mccain is givin' too much away

John didn't win Ms. Congeneality but Palin did.

What's up with Jim? Is he gonna make them sing Koombahya?...Lookathim...lookathim....

932..932...he's like Rainman...keep repeatin' don' make it true

Obama's gittin' gray. I can't take Mac's tie. It needs to go. It looks like a Candy Cane. If ya look at it on tv...it moves.

Dick just said they outta bring back dueling...give 'em guns and the one left standin' wins.

GW..is playing that drinkin' game. Everytime McCain talks he takes a shot of Wild Turkey. He's trying to git Condi to play strip debates.

Was Cindy drunk when she bought that tie?

GW wants to know whar that 6.8 billion is that John saved us.

Ohhh, Jim is dissing both of them. He's just tryin to piss 'em off. I thought it was McCain vs Obama...Lehrer is gittin to be pushy.

Nuclear power is good. GW likes the word nuclear.

When are we taking a break...I need to use the powder room. I gotta be quiet. Lehrer made me promise. But I had beans..If ya hear a noise..it might be me.

Uh, oh..GW had an orgy...he's gigglin' bout that. John keeps brinin' up Ms. Congeniality ..ya know he is thinkin' bout Palin. He's hot fer her.

Obama is really skinny..he needs to come over to the trailer park

Joe Biden just emailed me and asked fer money. He's worse then K-fed.

Obama needs to quit sayin' Mccain is right. Don't he know nuting bout fightin'. oop..there he goes. I think John might hit him.

I really need to go. Be back in while

Oops...he's talkin' bout intermarrying...I know a little bit about it.

I need to work on Obama's fightin' skill. Ya don't tell yer opponent he's right. He keeps sayin' that.

John knows what our needs are but he keeps fergettin em.

Say that three times fast john...

I wish we could laugh..it would help. And meeting with the Castros is fun. All the cigars and Rum you can handle. And Fidel was a great leg wrassler.

McCain keep saying Obama doesn't understand. They need to agree to disagree.

I looked in Putin's eyes and I saw nothing but love ...he's a pussy cat inside.

I need to go Wal-mart and git John a new tie.

If John is meetin' all these people when does he have to time to be a Senator?

McCain needs to quit talkin' bout Russia invadin' Georgia...Bubba's gonna git his gun again. It took Sonny an hour to talk him down last time.

GW thinks Putin is a funny name. Dick tole him to shut his trap.

GW is muttering nuclear over and over.

McCain is bringin' up experience...people who live in Glass Igloos shouldn't be shooting rifles.

YEAHHH it's over. Ann Coulter better not be hogging the restroom...See y'all later...

Mah head hurts ...Part 1

2008-09-24T19:21:00.003-04:00

This election is bout near killin' me. John McCain won't listen to a word I say. I'm gonna have more to say bout him in mah sequal to this blog. I got so much to talk bout it's gonna take me a couple gab sessions.

Ok, let's start with Caribou Barbie and her geography lesson at the U.N. She's gonna meet Bono to discuss world politics. Silly girl, I coulda tole her that if she wants to know what's goin' on with the world she's gotta go meet Dolly Parton. Dolly may look kind of goofy and a bit trashy but she's bin round the world twice and makes world leaders speechless wit' her assets. In fact, she knows where those Weapons of Mass Destruction are. Course she ain't gonna tell no one. Dolly don't kiss and tell. Yep, Sarah needs to git outta the U.N. and git herself down to Pigeon Forge and she'll learn about foreign relations. Lots of relations down there. Some people think Dolly's got Osama locked up a Dollyworld..wouldn't surprise me none.

I'm too busy

2008-09-18T20:49:00.003-04:00

I know..I know. I have to keep an eye on Dick. Since that new book come out he's bin pasing the floor, mutterin' to himself. He keeps locking and unlocking his gun case...cleanin' his faverite weapon.

Then McCain is talkin' bout invading Spain. I had to drink a few bottles of vino with my buddy Juan Carlos (ssshhh..don't tell Dick) to git him to calm down. Called McCain "estupido"...that's Spanish fer dumbass.

And I'm workin' with Palin of how to use the internet. She's gonna need some lessons. GW tried to show her and he ended up postin' her emails all over the place. Dick called him a name that involved the F word and pulled the plug on his Apple.

So mah days are full. Biden is screamin' fer help...I tole him to call Howard Dean or Bill Clinton. Bill ain't got nuting else to do right now.

Oh..I posted a pic of the latest McCain rally I went to. I got Dick to go by telling him it was a monster truck ralley and Palin would be in a bikini. He's a sucker fer big trucks.

Lipstick ona Pig

2008-09-13T09:22:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry I ain't bin postin' so much but we had to chase down Bubba. He thout that puttin' makeup on a pig was funny. 20 pigs and a bunch o' revlon later...this is what he came up with...

It's bin a ruff week (or why I admire Laura Bush)

2008-09-05T09:03:00.002-04:00

First, I got the job to watch Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney. They was like a couple of Frat boys at a sorority house. I had to keep gittin' em outta the bathroom war they were writin' "For a good time call Mike Huckabee" and "Joe Leberman is a woozy boy".

Then they teepeed Rudy Guilliani's room and then did that trick war ya put his hand in water and he pees whilst he's sleepin'. Rudy didn't like that one bit.

McCain warn't no help. He was too buzy with Palin. That ole coot is gonna keel over if he don't keep it under control. That or Cindy might punch him. Never mind. I don't think she cares.

I do have to say, Laura Bush was the bright spot in the sea of disorder. She likes to read books and we talked all night. (I like to read, too). She knows she's the reason that new book is out. Between you and me...I think she pulled a Princess Diana and talked to the writer. I think she's happy it's over. See she loves GW. Ya have to with battle ax Babs as yer mother in law. She'll be happy to be the ex-pres's wife as much as anything.

Well...Dick and I are back in the Big House. Hopefully, thins will be peaceful till the election. But I doubt it...I keep gitting heavy breathin calls in the middle of the night. It's either Howard Dean violating his restrainin' order or John McCain hit the speed dial wrong again...I'm only a digit off Palin.

Oh...I do have a website I want y'all to visit http://http//www.miaking.com/?p=476 Ya can win chocolate if ya go there and sign up. She's a new author. (Laura tole me about this) and if ya sign up ...ya might win.

Wow...I got a big problem

2008-09-02T15:55:00.002-04:00

Palin is here...and she has a gun, she's kinda mean, and her kids are outta control.

Are we sure she ain't Britney Spear's mamma?

Anyhoo, I can't keep these men in line. Babs was so worried that GW wouldn't be able to speak around SP (isn't that Britney's kid's initials?) she sent him down to the hurricane. She tole him he could have all the rum drinks he could stand. I think Palin might even be meaner than Babs.

Now I gotta keep swattin' Dick with a broom. He wants to compare his arsenal with Palin's. McCain is like a lovesick dog. He keeps drooling. The only one who ain't in love is Romney..he keeps muttering "It shooda bin me!"

Leiberman ain't too upset. He thinks he still might have a shot. Who do ya think posted those pics of that little girl gitting her booze on? Leib knows his way round myspace.

I know..I know...whar have I bin...

2008-08-29T21:31:00.003-04:00

Y'all were waiting fer mah pithy comments on the convention, I know. But that dern Howard Dean kept chasin' me and yellin' "Yes, we can". I never even got to see Obama or Biden. I did see Bill down below the bleachers..but that's anuther story.

Ok..I promise to give ya blow by blow accounts of the Repub convention. BTW, Bill saw the VP choice and he tole Hill he's thinkin' bout changin' parties. Hillary hit him over the head with her blackberry. She's purty but so was Dan Quayle. And he can't spell fer nutin'. I attached a pic of her when she was on America's Top Model. Hey, at least she's got more leadership skills than GW. He's never shot a moose. He's drank at the Moose Lodge a few times...he thinks that counts.

So Dick and I'll be yer oficial correspondens...I promise.

Joe Biden is a nice guy but Dick is better

2008-08-23T21:37:00.003-04:00

When Obama called and asked who he shud pick I tole him to make a list of pros and cons. Since most V.P. candidates are cons it ain't easy.

Now heres how I see it...this is what Joe has on his pro list:

1. He's a nice guy

2. Has lots of experience

3. Does good for the people

Ok Now look at Dick's Qualities:

1. Has a gun and ain't afraid to use it

2. Can use the F word in multiple ways

3. Has survived eight years with GW

I think Obama shouda used mah list.

Sigh, will they never learn.

Oh and Dick is way hotter.

Did you git the text yet?

2008-08-22T20:53:00.002-04:00

So I git this text message and it says...."I pick u. Be my runnin' mate. Meet me down at the campaign hq, Love O."

Now, I ain't fell offen the turnip truck...I know it aint' Obama. It's Howard Dean making nother sad attempt to git me alone. He just don't quit. Well, not me anyways.

Who do y'all think the big O will pick? I kinda hope he picks Dick. See Dick is in his prime..he don't need to retire. He needs to stay in the saddle so to speak.

Speakin' of which..I gotta go. Dick got the that Fit Wii and he wants me to see how long till he goes into a fib. It's game he likes to play.

I know y'all have bin waitin' on me for this one...

2008-08-16T14:30:00.002-04:00

Here it is..I'm gonna talk bout those two bone heads that found Big Foot. I ain't postin' that pic of the BF in the freezer. That's just gross. Gross like Scooter Libby's toes.

Anyhoo..these two bin talkin' bout how they found BigFoot in Georgia. That ain't BF..it's Newt Gingrich. EVERBody knows that North Georgia (whar Deliverance was filmed) is where washed up Republicans go to die!

Anyways, now they got Dick all excited. He can't wait to git outta office and go hunt some Big Foot. GW is scared. First Russia invades Georga and now hairy critters are there.

So fer your entertainment..here is bozo 1 and bozo 2. http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4rknzC4XKs

I can never leave Georgia

2008-08-13T18:29:00.002-04:00

Nope..not when we gots stuff like this going on. http://http//www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/cobb/stories/2008/08/12/cobb_court_sex_investigation.html

Ol' Skip is well known in Cobb. He's the guy who talks to the Jury before they go to court. He is over the Superior court. That's where they do the divorces and the murder trials. Which sometimes that's the same thing. As Wilma Lou said, "He done been banging more than his gavel!

I got more but I'll save 'em fer tomorrow... In the meantime..think bout ol' Skip and him havin' sex in the courtroom. I wonder iffen Justice didn't take off her blindfold to see that...

We gotta problem

2008-08-10T20:04:00.002-04:00

The idjits down at the trailer court turned on Fox News (they shot the remote when Glenda Lou tried to change it to CNN- she thinks Anderson Cooper is hot) and saw Russia was gonna invade Georgia.

I can't git them drunk sorry azzed heathens to unnerstand that the Georgia on the news ain't the one in the U.S. They are on their way to the Governor's house to enlist. Sonny won't be smiling when he sees these morons.

Billy Joe done invented a new thing

2008-07-26T12:49:00.002-04:00

He calls it his 2nd Amendment mailbox. Course he don't know what any of the other amendments are and he don't care. Freedom to carry a gun is the only right he needs. Course he's gone to jail a few times trying to exercize his rights. We tole him carrying a sawed off shotgun into the DMV wernt' a smart a idea, but Billy Joe is stubbern.

People drive from two states over to his creation. I bet Charlton Heston (member, Moses...) woulda bought one iffen he was still alive. BJ has a poster of Charleton up in his trailer. It's the one with the rifle over his head. CH is a rock star to the redneck community.

So is Dick. He's gonna git one of these babies built at his fortress when he retires from the Big House.

GW wants a gator.

See the purty gator GW.

I need to set the record strait.

2008-07-24T12:15:00.002-04:00

I know Fidel. I've had boxed wine with him and watched him leg wrassle George Bush, SR. However, Fidel ain't in any condition to back any candidate. He prolly thought Obama was Estelle Getty and the Golden Girls were making a reunion.

I dunno why Karl Rove, I mean McCain would say this. He must mixed his Viagra up with Cindy's Viocdin again. He tends to hallucanate when he does that.

John Edwards has a love child....big deal

2008-07-22T18:44:00.003-04:00

http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_272621696.shtml

McCain's got a kid in every state! Yep, Viagra is a miracle drug all right. He figered that iffen he didn't win one way, he'd popolate the country and win later. You got it...Little John's are everywhere. I attached a pic of the one he had with Babs Bush.

You do know that if ya run fer pres as Repub you have to sleep with Babs. Ever since George Sr. that's bin the rule. Now you know why Bob Dole got his erectile disfuction. A naked Babs ain't purty.

Anyways, I wish the peeps would leave ole' John alone. He ain't running now and Obama is gonna choose Dick (shhhhh) to be his runnin' mate. Nobody will shoot Obama if Dick is in the wings.

Maters are back, baby!

2008-07-20T08:28:00.004-04:00

Man, oh, man have I missed those ruby red, juicly slices of heaven. Some wonder bread, some Duke's Mayo and I'm in heaven.

I'm gonna eat about a dozen today while I flip off the FDA or is it the CDC? I don't care...those numbnuts need to git their act together. They can take spinach I don't care but don't mess with mah maters.

Never invite Bill O'Reilly over to play Scrabble

2008-07-12T11:57:00.002-04:00

He's a sore loser. Last night he came over with some double stuff Oreos and some Pabst and the game waz on. Turns out ole Bill can't spell and everyone knows that I'm a good speller. So I beat him with EXOGAMY and he picked up the board and through it accross the room.

Then he went on and had a hizzy fit cause I said that Sean Hannity had a nice butt. He said he had the nicest butt on Fox and that I should say that. But I can't Hannity's butt is much nicer.

Well, a six pack and some shots of Wild Turkey settled him down. We invited Dan Rather over fer some Kaorake and charades and it ended up a purty good night.

But never, ever play Scrabble with Bill O'Reilly.

Waffle House Weddin'

2008-07-11T20:07:00.002-04:00

http://gwinnettdailypost.com/main.asp?SectionID=6&SubSectionID=84&ArticleID=16944

All I can say is I bet Ann Coulter is pizzed she din't think of it first.

I'm postin' Kid Rock's mug shot after he got in a fight at Waffle House. Everyone knows WF is the place to git hitched, git in a fight and they have the best waffles in the world.

Well, I gotta go back to work

2008-07-06T09:32:00.002-04:00

As ya know, I'm not only a love goddess but a politikal consultant. And I'm in demand right now. Mah phone is ringin' off the hook. If it's not Obama, it's MCCain or it's Bob Barr. Nadar don't call me. That's why he won't win.

Anyhoo, it's been a blast talkin' at ya. Stay cool and I'll see ya a little later.

The day after

2008-07-05T14:13:00.003-04:00

I hope yer 4th was a good one. Ours waz great till Cousin Leon decided he had enough flatuence to light the gas grill.

However, he didn't realize afte the gas comes out there is a suction that pulls everything in. he had the gas thingy stuck up his rear about three feet. He wouldn't let us cut the line since this waz his favrite grill from Wal-Mart. So we had to load him and his grill in the back of Bubba's F250 and truck on over to the doc in the box.

The doc laughed so hard we thought he waz gonna have a heart attack but he got some some treezers he called foursups and got it out.

Now we had a delemia. Who want to eat from a grill that had been up Leon's butt? Even if the eaten' part waz outside it kinda ruined the moment. But we got over it and had us a mess weinies and beans.

Hope yer holiday was not as excitin' as ours.

It's the 4th and I wanna talk about

2008-07-04T08:33:00.003-04:00

Rush Limbowl. Yea, I know some of ya are groinen' saying why him?

Well, he is a perfect example of why America is great. When a big blowhard, druggie that's half deaf can make a 100 million dollars to talk out his azz, then we know we have freedom. We can take nothing and make it into a bigger nothing.

Dick likes Rush. It's amazin' how Dick will talk bout something the night before and Rush is saying the SAME thing on his show the next day. It's like they are connected or somethin'.

So as yer eatin' yer bar-b-Q and drinking yer Miller Lights, think bout Rush and thank God we have the freedom to yak, yak,yak.

P.S. Barak, if yer reading this and I know ya are...see the picture...I know you and Chellie can't resist our tracter rides...show up early, ya hear!!

An Open Letter to Obama

2008-07-03T10:18:00.002-04:00

Hey Obama:

Me and Dick were hoping you and Chellie could come over to the trailer park tomorrow for a bar -b-Q . Since you Dick are cousins you should feel right at home.

There's gonna be Beans n Weanies (Bob Barr specializes in weanies), pork rinds and all the beer you and the missus can chug. We'll even throw some horseshoes. And if Howard Dean shows up we could play nekkid twister. Bring yer own Wesson oil.

Call me and we'll save some Cool Whip fer ya.

That's Uncle Gomer...he couldn't find a horseshoe so he took the seat off his toliet. He didn't use it anyway...

No, she doesn't live at the trailer park

2008-07-02T09:10:00.002-04:00

http://www.ajc.com/news/content/shared-gen/ap/Feature_Stories/Store_Crash.html

Did y'all hear bout the crazy lady that drove through the store ...got out and tried to buy beer? Even Tipper Gore ain't that bad...

I understand when ya need to git yer drink on ....but geez laweez.....

Now y'all know in Georgia ya can't buy alcohol on Sundays. But ya can go to the Moose Lodge and drink as much as you want and drive home. Don't make no sense to me. Wouldn't it be better to buy yer beer and go home...sit on the porch and git toasted? That way noone would git hurt.

However, iffen ya do get drunk at home or at the moose lodge...don't do what Curlene, Murlene and Betty Lou done did. Gitting frogs painted on yer chest ain't pretty.

Shootout at the airport!

2008-07-01T08:45:00.003-04:00

Have y'all heard about Georgia's new state law? You can take yer weapon to the airport! Problem is nobody talked to Homeland Security bout it. So some state government fool is taking his gun to the Atlanta airport. The HS guys are waiting on 'em. They are gonna lock his scrawny white ass up and take away his gun.

Iffen ya want to read about it...here's the story...http://www.ajc.com/business/content/business/stories/2008/06/30/airport_gun_showdown.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

I think it's purty funny. Dick's ready to move down to GA..they think like him.

Gumbo, may it live furever in our hearts...

2008-06-28T07:12:00.003-04:00

Was I sad this week when Gumbo, the board where I was born finally bit the dust? No, not really. I did mah cryin' when Brender annownced it a couple of months ago.

But do I miss it? You betcha.

Now I love this blog. It gives me a chance to tell y'all how to dress, vote and make hot monkey lovin' (not with a real monkey unless you sleeping with Karl Rove) but I miss the interaction between us YaYa's. I'd name some but I don't wanna leave anybody out.

I miss the hot topics...that's where I hit my stride. See, I have insider infermation that y'all don't and added insiteful tidbits. Nobody ever debated me...I was always hoping fer a good debate liken JoJo and Pearl. Speakin' of which...iffen ya talk to them tell them I have arranged fer them to have ringside seats when Cindy Mccain and Michelle Obama wrassle next week...I got mah money on Michelle.

Anyhoo, iffen any of y'all know of a good board where we could discuss politics like on Gumbo and I could add mah wisdom please let me know.

In the meantime, remember the good times, hell, remember the bad..we became better people becuz of 'em.

Oh, and if JoJo is readin' this (I know you do) email me...I'm at Furline01@gmail.com

I had to be 01 cuz somebody already got furline.

Why Big Al will always be my hero

2008-06-18T18:53:00.002-04:00

Not only did Big Al invent the internet (and I would be unnon to y'all) and global warming, he also invented a special kind of still. Yea, I know you don' believe me. I sware it's the truth.

Member, he's a Tennessee boy and they make the best moonshine. How do ya think he snagged Tipper? And why do you thunk she got her name?

Anyhoo, Big Al invented this still that not only is computer run but is also green..don't take no engergy..it's sun powered. Yep...and Bill Clinton (Hillary's husband if ya fergot) made his still area a no DEA zone. Stills are still not legal in TN.

Anyhoo, Big Al is the biggest moonshine dealer in Tennesee and a Nobel prize kind a guy.

Now Dick ain't go no use fer Big Al cept as target practise. I think he's jalous. They don't call Big Al Big fer nuting' ...enuf said.

Her's a pic of Big Al after he took a swig of his special potion...Greenpeace #9

In honor of Tim Russert

2008-06-14T09:40:00.003-04:00

I want y'all to think about what he has done for us as journalist.

Nobody at the Big House (the White House) is feeling very funny today. We are all sad.

Go read a book, watch a news show. Be informed.

I'm feeling a little sad fer Hillary

2008-06-07T12:08:00.000-04:00

Yea, I know she bites. But her life ain't bin easy. Not like Tipper Gore's life. Tipper's got Big Al, enuf said.

Hillary stood by her man and it cost her the election. I believe it. She needed to wopped him on the head with a fryin' pan, locked him outta the White House, run him over with her SUV (then back up to see if she got 'em) and then made him apologize to her and all the women in America on the Larry King show.

She'd won everything after that. When a man cheats on ya and it goes public...well ya gotta take a stand. Take my friend Janet Lee. When she found out her husband, Jimmy Wayne was cheating on her with a woman from an S & M site on the internet...she got him good. She cut the crotch outta his pants and then gave his tools to Goodwill. Jimmy Wayne was a tool so he diserviced it. She took him to court and got evrything. And now he's with his dominatriks and prolly gitting his ass beat every night. Hats off to mah Janet Lee.

Obama better keep it in his pants. I think Michelle could strike up some revenge that would make his ears git smaller. McCain don't got to worry. He'd need Viagra and everybody knows there's a shortage of it since Bob Dole discovered it.

Sex and the Country

2008-05-31T18:56:00.000-04:00

I went and saw that ther movie Sex an' the City. Now those gals are purty funny but they're just rippin' mah life story off.

See I am the origenal Carrie. And any man I date is Big. Iffen ya know what I mean.

And shoes...nuttin' says fashion than a pair of flip flops from Wal-mart (5 fer $5)

Look and drool, ladies...

An those fancy smancy drinks. Well...you ain't lived till ya had one of these babies..

I call it Furline's Firecracker

Fill a mason jar 1/4 to 1/2 full with Southern Comfort, depending on how strong you want the drink. Fill the jar the rest of the way with Mountain Dew. Stir and enjoy! Add some ice if you plan on drinking this over a period of time

Iffen ya don't have Southern Comfort, Moonshine will do ya.

Enjoy...

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

Billy Joe done invented himself a boat fer the holiday. Bubba tole him he was nuts and there ain't no place to keep the beer but BJ (we always laugh when we call him that) don't care. He already put in fer a patent on it. He calls it BJ's Badass Boat. He's selling it on Craigslist fer $14.99 (not including shippin' which is $500). Ladies, he is single. If yer interested (not many are), give me a holler. He ain't purty and he don't smell good but he's got a boat.

What y'all doing fer Memorial Day? I'm gonna see that hot hunk of geriatric pleasure, Indy Jones and somebody's skull. Did y'all here about those idiots who found a skull and made it a bong? I bet they drink the bong water too.

I'm also gonna put out the sprinkler and water slide. Bob Barr is comin' over with some beans n' weanies (that man knows his weanies) and we're gonna watch tapes of Hillary and shoot whipped cream at the t.v. The we'll pour some Wesson on the slide and Ralph Nader to slide on his belly. That man is so gullible.

See ya later!

Mike Huckabee is a dumbass

2008-05-17T14:02:00.000-04:00

Did y'all her' what that hiena Huckabee said yesterday bout Obama? I used to have a crush on 'em but not no more.

Dick loves the NRA (a real man always got a loaded weapon in his pants) but even he shook his head on that one.

If John "I'm older than Ed McMahon" McCain picks him as his running mate it'll be fer the same reason GW picked Dick....he won't need to worry bout being assinated. Nobody would want Huckabee in there.

Now I do like Chuck Norris. He's hot. Hope he gets over his man crush on Huckabee. Iffen I was a man I'd have a crush on Romney. Except he's prolly wearing that mormon underwear which is kinda hot too.

Have y'all seen Iron Man yet?

2008-05-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

Y'all know it's based on Dick. The heart glowin' thing...yep...that's Dick.

Don't mess with mah Dick, he can kill ya.

Mah Beauty Secrets

2008-04-27T19:04:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know I changed it up today. Got taired of the pink. I'm not really a pink kinda gal.

Now, many of mah emails have been concernin' mah great complesion and hars.

So here are a few tips to git you on the track to a dewy skin color and a shiny new hars.

1. Crisco makes a good mosterizer. Slather it on..Just don't try and bar-b-q after. It will git ugly. Trust me.

2. Fishing line will do if yer outta floss. And Vise verca.

3. Permanent markers don't work fer eyebrows and eyeliners. Well they can but ya don't wann look like Thelma Lou... (I included her picture)

Ok, that's it fer right now. I'll be back later. I gotta go hep Obama. Hillary is starting to froth at the mouth and I'm little skeered fer Barack. That woman bites.

Ladies looking fer love I found ya a spot

2008-04-26T10:26:00.000-04:00

http://www.redneckandsingle.com/

I signed up mahself. Give a go and link to yer profile.

The best profile wins a prize from Bubba. You remember Bubba doncha?

I added his pick. He's gittin' ready fer huntin' season. I'm not sure what he's huntin'. Don't matter anyway he can't shoot a barn much less a deer.

Make sure y'all post comments. I'm not doing this fer my health ya know.

And send me yer profiles on redneck dating. There's a little Furline in all y'all.

Who sez the candidates don't lissen to me?

2008-04-24T20:13:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbaxHjxOlo4

In my earlier post I suggested the candidates go ahead and wrassle. Well, they did it. Watch the link. Hill Rod?

I gotta tell ya Hillary bites. Barack better get tougher boxers cuz she'll take a chunk outta his trunk iffen ya know what I mean.

JoJo, I tole Dick what you said. He laughed so hard we had to get the difubulator out.

Now, fer all you yayas that are out there. Enjoy it while ya got it. You never know when yer gonna lose it. That's what I keep telling Dick anyhow.

Well I gotta go, I tole Condolisa that I would teach her how to make opossum casserole. I gotta hurry, she's gotten into the Jack Daniels and is watching Rock of Love. She keeps telling Brett Michaels that he needs to choose her.

"Condi, it's a re-run, honey. He can't hear ya. "

That girl needs a life outside the big house I tell ya. Too many years looking at GW will do things to a gal.

oh revore as they say in France

2008-04-20T13:23:00.000-04:00

I hear today is Gumbo's last day. This makes me sad. I made a lot of friends there. A lot of women needed mah help. I think there are a lotta happy men cuz of me. I lit a candle fer every woman I gave love tips to. I took a picture..I didn't have no candle holders so I improvised.

I also introduced the kinder, gentler side to Dick, GW, Howard Dean and Fidel Castro. All these men are missunderstood. Oh, and y'all need to know Big Al is quite a man iffen ya know what I mean.

Anyhoo, I wish everybody the best and thank Rebecca Wells good luck with her book. Hope it's as good as Divine Secrets cuz that was a good book. Yep, I read. Don't believe everything that witch Ann Coulter tells ya.

I'll be here if ya need me. Me, Bubba and Molene holding down the trailer court. Today we got ourselves a bar-b-q that beats all. Bubba ran over a squirrel and a opossum...Yep, it's a good day to be alive. Go git yerselves some PBR and reflect on how good yer life really is. Cuz it beats the alternative.....

Hey y'all here I am

2008-04-19T10:30:00.000-04:00

Are you ready fer my dose of love, politics and general wisdom?

Right now I'm a little tired of all the debates, name callin' and such. I wish Hill would close the winders when she yells at Bill.

Now, iffen they are gonna mud wrassle..these candidates need to do it fer real. Git some mud and let the three of 'em duke it out. Winner takes all.

Dick can be the official. I love it when he has a whistle round his neck.